Ever since this awakening a few weeks ago, I have been wanting to do more. That more can simply be described as longing and working towards living my life more and more by the logic of Yisrael that we call Torath Mosheh. There are many things that I had said I wanted to do, but I was to lazy to act upon them. There are things that I did in spurts, but something about finishing my documentary and editing it brought me back to an understanding on how important action is as compared to simply talking about what should be done.
Maybe part of the awakening was that I was letting other parts of my life overshadow my need to be logical. I enjoy so much the difference in a day when I know that I am being the best me that I can be, and how throwing away false logic can make all the difference in taking hold of destiny. That word, destiny, comes up a lot in my documentary and I can say that I get this from the influence my grandmother had on me. She made me believe that I had some grand destiny that I had to live up to. That was not the kind of thing I wanted to hear as a kid, but that is all she would talk about. When she passed away I realized that I had to do something with my life, and no matter what the cost I had to attempt to live up to all of my potential.
This leads to the other day I met with a guy who is going to do some drawings for me. At the outset he told me about a speaking engagement he had just done. He then went into his story. In order to be a Torah based Jew he gave up EVERYTHING. He lost his wife, his kids, his jobs, and a connection to his family. His wife divorced him, his kids told him they didn't want to see him, and he was going to burn in hell, and he was fired from his job. All because he sought out truth, and had a real desire to live by truth. His story really inspired me, and did something to me. I can relate to having to walk your own path to seek out truth, although I have never had it happen to the extreme level he had.
So I found myself this last week feeling so alive, and seeking to do more with my life. I found myself putting up Mezuzoth in places that I had been procrastinating to put them. I found myself doing Mitzwoth (Torah responsibilities) that I had shrugged off for some time. I also found myself starting to figure out ways to stand up for the right things. I love where I can go with my life if I continue with this drive and focus. There is something to be said about change and destiny, but I always find that Dune says it better than I can.