Friday, September 4, 2009

The Complexity of HER – Part 1

I have been holding off on doing some writing, choosing instead to do the videos, but I need to write about something. Better yet, not something, someone. To protect the innocent I will refer to his person as HER. Listening to the following song made me think of HER. Play it as you read this post, and you will understand why.


I met HER on a cool Jerusalem morning for breakfast, and I wasn’t expecting much from this setup. Little did I know that what I would find that day was someone so much like myself. At that time I felt like she the one I had been searching for all of my life. She was from South Africa and though we came from two different worlds we had so much in common, and I thought that somehow I could convince HER to stay with me here in Israel. Yet, we both knew deep down in our hearts that this was not possible. In order for HER not to blame herself I had to do the right thing and walk away, making me the bad guy. This is the story of what happens when you have to let go of a good thing.

The Story

It all began one day on Shabbat (Sabbath) in Maale Adummim when I had been invited by a family to have lunch with them. There were two other single men, like myself, that had been invited and whenever we all got together things were lively and laughs were had by all. Somehow the topic of transitioning from the single life to the married life came up. The conversation then switched from theory to actually changing the status of the single guys to married guys. Yet, in order to do that we were going need to be set up (Shidduchim). So the youngest of us single guys said he was ready and gave a list of what he wanted. Then the second single guy also said he was tired of being single and he gave what he wanted.

Not to be left out I also said, I was tired of being single and I also wanted to be setup. The wife of the house, immediately stated that she could not help me because I was not ready. You see, a few months earlier I spurned the idea of being setup since I had been setup with the wrong kind of women in the past. So the wife of the house stated that because of my excuses in the past I was not serious nor was I ready. I quickly rebuffed that I was now ready, and serious so I gave my list. She asked dark or light. I said dark. She asked size preference, and I answered athletic. She asked observance to Judaism level. I answered normal, not so far on either side of the issue. She then agreed to go to work to set us all up.

The Issues

Anyone who has read this blog and watched the videos I did about the Mystery of Women knows that I had some serious issues in my life regarding trust. They would also know that I have issues with understanding the female species. So I carry my load, like we all do, and I have attempted for a number of years to master myself and find peace of mind in that regard. Yet, I found myself for a number of years cutting myself off from the possibility of dating simply because I didn't want to unload my issues on anyone. My joys are my joys, and that is personal. My victories are mine to revel in and to keep close like clothing to the skin. My pain is my pain, that I bury deep under layers of protected guilt and regret. My sense of reality is something I sometimes guard since I know that I take so many things personally.

Love is such a complex thing for me, since it sometimes seems to contradict logic. Why do things that belong to me, such as emotions, becomes the possesion of someone else who can take what is mine and make it her own. She can embrace my inner feelings, and once I expose them, she can walk in triumph as she wears those things that I hold so dear like the most precioius of jewelry. It was all of these issues that most people don't understand, so maybe it was this that made people believe that I was not ready to be setup. Maybe they were right and maybe they were wrong. So complex!

If Wishes Were Fishes We Would Eat Steak

As much as I was ready I wasn’t expecting to hear anything, and so I pretty much forgot about the whole thing. Then one day I turned my phone off for a time to take care of something, and when I turned it back on I had a message from the wife of the house. The message stated that she had found someone for me to go out with, and to call her back. Wow, that was a surprise, but more than likely this will be another mismatch like all the other setups, I thought to myself. So I called the wife of the house and she said that she found a woman that would meet with me. I asked her a few questions about who this woman was. She told me that she was of African descent, and had a very interesting story since she was adopted by an Ashkenazi Jewish family at the height of Apartheid in South Africa. If I agreed she would get the woman’s number and I could call her. I agreed, even though, I didn’t think much was going to happen.

The First Date with HER

I got the number and I called HER and we agreed to meet at Coffee Joe’s near the Inbal Hotel in Jerusalem, not far from Talpiyot. We met on a Friday morning and when I saw her sitting there waiting for me I thought that she was cute, but again I didn’t think much of the situation. As we began to talk about various things it became apparent that I was going through a series of déjà vu’s. First of all, I mentioned something about how I used to read comic books. She then stated that she used to read comic books. I mentioned that Wolverine was one of my favorites, and she said that Wolverine was her favorite. I talked about how I train in martial arts and that a lot of people don’t understand me, and then she responded that she trained in martial arts for a number of years. I even told her, that I was experiencing some major deju vu with her. She intially didn't respond to this, except to laugh, but I could tell by the look on her face that she was feeling the same.

Could it be that I had finally found THE ONE? Could she be the one that I had hoped existed somewhere, but over time I had given up on? That is a woman that is so similar to myself, whom I had prayed so many years to meet, yet as the years passed I stopped believing in. Is it possible that everything in the past did not work out simply to prepare me for this moment to meet HER? So many thoughts went through my head as we sat there and talked for about 2.5 hours with time seemingly going by so slow. Every joke was met with a genuine laugh, things that were normally secret became revealed with a simply manner of easy banter. Could it be that all of those lonely nights where I would look at the moon and the stars wondering if Hashem (G-d) had created me in singularity she was on the other side of the world wondering the same? So many questions I wanted to ask so many things I wanted to say. Yet, this was the first date and was it even right to contemplate such things?

It was then though that she sprung something on me that would change the course of EVERYTHING.

Read Part 2 HERE.


Anonymous said...

That's not a spoiler. That's a tease and the sign of a knowing storyteller. I await the next installment. :-)

Ehav Ever said...

Hello Makeda,

Thanks for the kind words. I remember the last time I wrote something like there were people pounding tables demanding the nexts parts so I will hurry and get the other parts ready. lol

Bohemian Chick said...

You are an excellent storyteller Ehav. I regret that I've been in my "anti-blog" phase lately. I have a lot of catching up to do it seems.!

One good thing...I don't have to wait for the next chapter! :-)

Ehav Ever said...

Hey BHC,

Thanks. You should have seen one of my 1 page assignments in history class back in high school. I ended up coming up with a 8 page story. I understand the anti-blog phase. I have kind of goine through an only YouTube VLOG phase. You are right you have a LOOOOOT catch up on.

Yeah you are right about not having to wait. I remember the last time I told a story like this, there was table pounding and the like. lol