Saturday, April 11, 2009

Ramdom Thoughts on Change

So I am sitting here at my computer after Shabbat listening to the clattering of the fan in my computer wondering how I am not getting annoyed by the constant clanging. I think there is some dust stuck in there, and I ran out of air in the can to do anything about it. So some random thoughts popped in my head. I don't feel like putting them in a video for the moment so I guess I will do some writing on my blog.

My thoughts lately have been about change.

In the last few years of my life so much has changed in ways that I never would have dreamed of lets say 10 years ago, or 15 years ago. Even within the last two years since I moved to Israel I have changed and I look back with the consideration of who I am and who I am becoming.

It once angered me that I was not making the progess that I needed and wanted to make in my life. It angered me so much that I thought change was beyond my grasp. I once thought I knew what that was and what it meant for me and now I am content with not knowing. Yet, the question still lingers of why do I exist, and what is my ultimate purpose in life? Is it simply to overcome a group of obsticales to face them anew on another day, or is there something else in store for me?

I also looked back on this blog to see where I have come from since 2006-2007 when I started it. Whether it was the Week of Positive Blogging or the series I did called Why Do Men Cheat, I can see that blogging has changed my life and how I view myself. Then, thanks to the influence of Tiffiny Jones of the Mulatto Diaries I have, began the Vlogging and once again more changes. I have so many ideas that I want to put into video, but there seems to be so little time to do this. If only I could do this for a living.

Then for the last few days my thoughts turned to HER. I talked about HER in the 2nd video about The Greatest Mystery. She was the second story in the video. She told me before she left that she would be coming back for Pesah (Passover). Part of me has considered how I would feel if I was to suddenly get a call from HER. This part of myself somewhat wishing that she would call me. Yet, p of me wishes I could simply get her out of my mind, but I know that will take some time. I tend to this part of me has the more logical approach and the less painful. It is times like this that I wish I did not have emotions, but instead work on pure Torah logic. Yet, I guess I will have to keep working on my emotions and where I place them.

Part I am not quite sure what this post is about. It is something that just crossed my mind that I needed to write.

This video has nothing to do with this post, but I thought it was funny.


Miriam said...

Hi Ehav,

At the computer stores they have these blowers to clear out the fan.

Also we have been searching for your posts about best fight scenes not sure when it was posted.

What's the purpose. I'm also struggling, but I feel that everyday that we tackle our obstacles and have a conscious awareness of where these everyday obstacles take us, we can eventually get a clearer picture of what our purpose is.

Ehav Ever said...

Hey Miriam,

Yeah I bought some air in a can yesterday and it did not work. I may have to take the card with the fan out and see what the problem is. I think I am getting used to the noise though. lol

The best fight scenes post is here. A few of the videos are no longer on YouTube.

I agree with you on that. I only get the, what I am here for, moments every once and a while when there is a calm. Somewhere down the line things happen that help me remember. I still owe you that response on your idea. I will try to work it up tomorrow.