Monday, October 8, 2007

Responding To My Harshest Critic

I sometimes feel that I am not doing something right in life if someone doesn't come out of the blue and criticizes me for something. It is a part of life, and I have always found it funny how the critics, who often don't know anything about me, I come into contact with somehow believe they are going to change me. I received the following response from a person concerning my first post about self-image the past. I believe this person was really trying to respond to my post Israel My Kind of Place: Living the Life. They previously sent an anonymous post to me, which I responded to in the Sellout and the Token. Well now they are back and this time they have chosen the name ILovePalestine.
ILovePalestine wrote:
They think you are desperate because you are Black. They don't want their daughters married to an Abeed. So they don't setting you up with old women or women looking for Visas into the U.S.. As soon as she gets her green card she will leave you. You are just a means out of the country not actual Husband material. Wake up and see that you are Black. Stop selling out. And yea it's me again. I swear I think maybe your blog will have something besides wishing you could find a Non-Black/African Jewish woman. Instead I find you saying how you "tried" to date Black women but they broke your heart. So you have a reason to stop dating them. You might as well come out and say it instead of going around it.
Greetings ILovePalestine,

I hope you are well. Thanks for actually making up a name this time. I am going to respond to your post separately to show how silly it is.

In terms of desperation in dating issue, the problem was not with the people trying to set me up. Their intentions were well intended. The problem was that I went against my rule of accepting Ashkenazi shidducks (matchmaking) from people who don't know me. I did so under the guise of being nice, regardless of what you think and I personally need to be more upfront. Ashkenazim (northern and Eastern European Jews) that I have met NORMALLY set up shidducks from a different mindset than ones set up by Jews of African, Middle Eastern, and Asian backgrounds. What religious Ashkenazim are normally looking at in terms of shidducks is different than what I am looking for, which is why I normally have a rule against them. Both Shidducks I mentioned were from Ashkenazim, although one shidduck was to a Persian Jewish woman (Iranian). This woman would not have worked for me because she didn't speak Hebrew and she was not willing to stay in Israel. Big problems for me. She was already an American citizen and she is going back to America next month.

In fact, if you had read the post, the first date I was set up on was from a woman (from England) who wanted me to look at her daughter for marriage, so your words are obviously incorrect about them not wanting me to marry their daughters. Her daughter moved to Israel from England so she doesn't need American citizenship. The problem was that her daughter was a vegan and her daughter had no plans on being religious. Her daughter also was a part of a different social scene than me. That is why I never called back because there was no chemistry. Besides there was an Isreali women in New York who once wanted me to look at her daughter for marriage, the problem was that her daughter wasn't religious. Her daughter was already a US citizen. So much for your green card theory.

I also find it interesting that you skipped the part of my post about the Ethiopian Israeli friend of mine that I went out with. I can only assume that you skipped that part of the post on purpose because it proves you wrong. You also skipped the articles of how I define beauty, but I guess you did that on purpose also. If you actually believe that women over here are marrying guys just to get American citzenship, once again have never been here before. That only happens in America when people stay longer than their visas.

In your previously anonymous post to me (about a month ago) you mentioned that I moved to Israel in order to not marry an African or African American woman. As I mentioned before in another post if my intention was to move to Israel in order to marry a non-African woman I could have done that in America or I could have moved to Europe. It seems like a lot of work to move to another country, in the Middle East, simply to not marry a non-African woman. With all of the non-African women in America that I have met it would have made more sense to stay in America. Israel is not exactly the place people go when they want to marry non-African people. More than half the population has some African mix. I could have gone back to Japan if I was so intent on avoiding Africans. That is actually funny when I think about it.

Friend: Hey Ehav where are you going?
Ehav: I'm going to MOVE to Israel in order to not marry an African descended women.
Friend: What are you stupid there are more non-African women in America than in Israel. If that is what you want you could simply go down to the East Village in Manhattan or move back to California. ha ha.

Also, one of the facts you are forgetting is that more than 50% of the Israeli populace descends from African Jews from countries like Morocco, Algeria, Ethiopia, Tunisia, Egypt, Sudan, South Africa, etc, If you talk to enough Israelis you will find that there are a number of Sephardic Jews who have at least one parent who was directly from Africa. So your argument is a bit weak, and I can only assume you have NEVER been in the Middle East since a large number of Middle Eastern people have African DNA. During the Trans-Saharan slave trade Arab nations brought over a lot of African women. They made most African men they brought over eunochs so only half of the population produced children.

You also mention the word Abeed (Arabic). It is interesting to note that Abad or Abeed (meaning slave) as you spell it is an Arabic term used by some Arabs to describe Sub-Saharan African people. Also, there is no Israeli designation for an עבד Eveth (Hebrew for servant/slave). If I were considered such I would not be able to get Jewish Israeli citizenship. (For those who don't know there are stars on our ID cards that declare our citizenship classification, there is no Eveth class in Israel.) In the Passover liturgy commemorating the Exodus all Jews announce that our ancestors were עבדים Avothim (slaves) in Egypt. So all Jews recognize that our ancestors were slaves who were redeemed by God.

The only terms in Hebrew that are used to describe non-Jewish Blacks are: Shechorim, Kushim and Africanim. Shechor literally means black, Kush is the name of an East African kingdom, and Africa you know what that is. This is mainly when they don't have a country of known origin, otherwise the country origin is use as a title. Abad or Abeed (as you spell it) is only used by certain Arabs in the strict sense of meaning Black people. There is an article by a Nigerian born man, Moses Ebe Ochonu, that discusses this. His article Arab Racism Against Black Africans can be found here. A group of Arabs I once met on the border with Lebanon called me Suri (meaning Syrian) and they said the reason they called me this was because I was dark brown. They literally pointed to a darker Arab and said, "Hey Suri, here is your brother."

You also mentioned my earlier articles about the two relationships that didn't work out for me. I find your words funny since DeLana didn't "break my heart" as you say. If she did "Break My Heart" we wouldn't still be friends. The reality is that DeLana and I were headed in two different directions. For example, she lives in San Antonio and loves it. I had no plans of ever settling down in Texas. This would have been a big problem.

You mention that you find my blog to be about one thing i.e. problems I have had in dating in African American women, but I would disagree since the majority of the articles have nothing to do with my love life. My first articles were about the Imus, community, comic books, and social issues. Also, you seem appalled by my blog, which if you are why is this the second time you have tried to leave a message on it?

The real illusion, in my eyes, is when people ignore the will of God in the whole scheme of things. His will is the reason I have moved anywhere in life and is the reason why I am here in Israel. Besides, as I mentioned in my last post, the Quran says that a day will come when Allah causes Jews to return to the land of Israel again, as a sign before the great day of judgement. Of course one can't go against the words of God, right?

So to my critic(s) I offer the following adult and grown up response.


Wanda said...

grrrr. how annoying and stupid. And just so "IlovePalestine" knows, most black people (including the MUSLIM ones), don't appreciated the word abeed.

Miriam said...

Hmmm...Ehav, supposing you went and married just who this person wants you to marry. Then he'll sleep well at night, and you........

forget it. Keep your preference to yourself and marry who you want! Hashem should bless you w/ only good

Mes Deux Cents said...

Hi Ehav,

Well I've now learned another derogatory word for people of African decent, Abeed. Well, will people ever stop. I have always wondered what is behind such anomous, by so many people, from so many places against Black people.

I really don't get it. We have not conquered foriegn lands and purpetrated atrocities. We have not carried on a campaign of hatred towards others for hundreds of years. Why the hate?

I posted something about racism in China on my blog. China? There are almost no Black people in China, and yet they somehow know to hate us.

My only theory is that weak minded people begin to identify so strongly with their opressor, that they begin to hate whoever their opressor hates. Could that be it?

rivkayael said...

Ehav, this is off topic, but I have finally worked out the "what should I be looking for after a standard 3 shidduch dates with someone"--the question really is not "is there a 'spark'" (I assume sparks refer to silly hollywoodisms) but "could this person be my best friend" (of course, accounting for on-paper things like frum/loves God, etc and wants to make aliya). So far, the next best answers I have gotten from people were "respect" and suchlike, but seriously, there are many people one could respect, but as for marriage? To quote a happily married person with a baby (on her 4th anniversary): "I love (husband's name), doesn't even feel like we've been married that long. It's been fun, I feel like I've been living with my best friend."

And that's what I wish for all of us.

Bohemian Hippie Chick said...

Wow...some people have no couth whatsoever! Ehav, your troll sounds a little jealous to me. ;)

Luscious Librarian said...

He is what we in Atlanta, Georgia call a "Hater". There is nothing you could do to please this person, and it's a very weird sort of obsession that he has to keep reading your blog if he's so upset with who you are as a person.

Use him as a barometer for success. The better you're doing, the angrier he'll be. If at any time he starts to agree with you, you know you've lost your way.

Tr8erGirl said...

What a jerk - great come back!

Ehav Ever said...

There are several things that I have found with these type of critics.

1) They often won't leave their contact information. i.e. they can see me, but I can't see them.

2) They often talk as if their philosophy exists in some kind of unknown rule book.

3) They also are quick to do a lot of name calling.

4) They also really don't care about the people they are putting down. If they did they would be open for one on one dialog.

With that I pretty much ignore these kind of people, but I also like to respond to them sometimes when I have a platform.

silversteindaniel said...

hey Ehav, I just wanted to say hi. It's danny from the yemenite shul in nyc, friends with avi shevach. I'm in the process of making aliyah myself to jerusalem and was wondering if you could give me some pointers. I'd like to find a roommate situation in jerusalem if i can. I'm so thrilled to find you online and in israel. do you use skype? I'm dannys310. my email is I look forward to speaking with you-danny

Andrew said...

I love how the political correctness of a term causes confusion. Somehow, I think that was the intent of "political correctness". First, it is racist to assume that all Africans are black or that there are no people of any other color in Africa other than black - especially when we all know different; South Africa, apartheid ring a bell? Algeria was a French colony. This is true for all countries; more accurately, for the world. I think "ILovePalestine" strictly meant Black, not African. That is why he/she was rude enough to use the Arabic word for slave - it was obviously an insult in reference to your American Heritage. I must say in the two or three years of recreational searching for a non-White Jew, you are the first. Even this is simply on the internet: the Highway of Information OR MISinformation. Maybe I should make another trip to the synagogue...and feign approval at my disappointment.

Ehav Ever said...

Greetings Andrew,

Thank you for your response. Concerning ILovePalestine’s response. The use of the word Abad or Abeed, is actually not a reference to me having lived in America. It is a “specific” term used by certain Arabs to denote anyone they perceive to be of specific Sub-Saharan African ancestry. There are number of terms that were once used in various parts of the Arab world to denote regional and national entities that they encountered in various parts of Africa. Zang was one of them, and Abeed/Abad was used to replace a particular type of Zang whom were enslaved and transported to various parts of the Middle. So the term has a “particular” history that has nothing to do with America. Thus the word is used in parts of North and East Africa to denote those who do not have Arab descent. Even Amazigh, depending on which ethnic group they are from, are sometimes called this. There are a number of Africans of Songhay, Ghanian, Nigerian, Senegalian, Bantu, Kel Tamashek ancestry who can attest to this usage of the word in the way I describe.