Sunday, October 14, 2007

The Bald Phase

Ehav circa 1993 High School Graduation

Between 1993 and 1998 I attended Prairie A&M University, which is about 40 miles Northwest of Houston, TX. While at Prairie View I went through a critical stage in life that most non-rich college students go through. That stage was concerning should I pay for a hair cut, or should I find the closest way to free to maintain neatly kept hair. Like most male students I went through the motions of finding people in the dorms who cut hair, and for a while I was able to get a descent hair cut. That all changed when all the people who were good at cutting hair either moved off campus or I could never get my schedule and theirs to meet. Also, I made the mistake of spending all my money the first semester of college, and had to deal with the concept of being frugal.

So that is when I made a decision. It was time to save money and cut out the middle man by going bald. So I cut my hair bald, and kept my goat-tee. This should have been easy enough. I bought some clippers and simply cut until I fealt clean scalp. Yet, life is not always that easy and sometimes the best intentions can still have their problems. My problem was two fold. One, I am blind in my left eye from a childhood bebe gun accident. (Another story for another day) Second, no matter how sharp your clippers there are areas of the human scalp that simply refuse to give up on the hair. I would cut, cut, and cut and just when I thought I got it all I still fealt hair. Especially, in the cow lick area of the back of my head. It got to the point where even going bald was getting frustating, and being a freshmen new to the ways of baldness I came up with a measure that was sure to get the hair off. This was a job for Nair.

For those of you who don't know Nair is a hair removal product manufactured by Church & Dwight Co., Inc.. The brand name is a possible portmanteau of the words “No” and “Hair.” Its pronunciation is the same as that of “Hair”. This hair removal is a popular product due to the fact that it does not require the user to shave, wax or rip off hair. When the user applies it on, the product kills the roots of the hair causing it to fall out.

Unlike today in 1993 there was no Nair For Men like today that could be used for men trying to get their scalps as bald as possible. Unlike now the technology was not there, and the science of desire baldness for men was not so advanced. The ladies though had it made since there were all kind of products for them to get rid of unwanted leg hair, but nothing for the honest hard working man (or college student) who simply wanted a bald head. (Ladies I am only joking)

So I was stuck in a conundrum. I wanted to save money and I wanted to be bald, so how could I accomplish these two goals? That is when a friend claimed he used Nair to deal with his "hair growing" problem. He was like the king of bald men and I wanted to live in that kingdom because the women on campus loved completely bald men. I would walk around campus and see women adoring bold headed men, and bald headed men walking with a pride that I could not have because I still had hair. I too wanted to partake in the new found popularity that bald ,dark and brown toned African American men were taking part in. Especially since the demise of the light skinned guy craze of the late 80's and early 90's. I had started working out that year and the combination would have been flawless and it could it be that a product made for women's legs was the solution to my cry for help? So I did it. I went to Walmart under the viel of night with sunglasss, and a big hat to buy some nair.

Ehav The Bald Jet setter circa 1997

The next day I woke up early with the hopes and dreams of a man who was tired of paying for hair cuts, shaving, and cutting only to have the hair start growing back within a day or two. So that morning I cut my hair as short as a I could, and then I got the Nair ready. I completed the whole process and what do you know I was bald. I mean I was really bald. Finally, I could beat the hair game and become like so many other men who were bold and being loved by those who needed reflected light. Now I could simply walk out the door and reflect the light of the sun to all who needed it. And for about two days all was good across the land stride.

Yet, I did not read the directions on the Nair bottle about not putting Nair on sensative areas, such as the scalp. I also did not think about the affect of cutting my hair and putting Nair on my scalp ten minutes later. That is when the Gremlins of baldness appeared one night and began to wreck havoc on my glorious baldness. It all began on a Wednesday. I woke up to a funny tingly feeling on my scalp. I touched it only to have all the pain receptors on my scalp burning. Also, it was as if I could feel every hair growing bit by bit.

The worst part was when I went outside and the wind blew. I almost passed out from the pain of the wind blowing on or across my now charred scalp. I fell to my knees and yelled out, "Oh cruel fate why has this evil befallen the likes of meeeeee!" I tore my shirt in sorrow, I wore sack cloth, and I threw the dust of the earth on my head.

Okay I didn't really do all that, but if I had sackcloth and if the dust hitting my head didn't hurt I could have. Okay no I wouldn't. I searched in vain for the guy who had told me about using Nair on my scalp. Yet, he was no where to be found. That is when the questions arose. Did someone actually tell me that, or did I come up with it? Will my scalp always hurt this way, or will the pain go away? Do have a test in Chemistry lab today, and is there something I can come up with to fix this?

Ehav The Bald in New Orleans circa 1996

So for a few days I tried to cover my head as best I could when the wind blew. Yet, wearing a hat still hurt my head. I also had a hard time sleeping since as each hair grew back I could feel it. It took about 2 weeks for the pain to go away. That is when I took that bottle of Nair and threw it to the wolves. They kindly threw it back at me as if they already knew of the pain of misusing Nair. I learned an important lesson that day. Sometimes the ends don't justify the means. Sometimes fate is a cruel mistress and the gods of baldness must be appeased. Okay, neither of those is really it. The real lesson was read the instructions before you do anything in life, and if you really have to be bald stick to the clippers and a good hat.

Ehav Ever after he officially stopped the bald phase

Thank God I eventually just decided to grow my hair again, and use natural hair products.


Bohemian Hippie Chick said...

Hahaha!!! Ehav, that was the funniest thing I've read in a long time. I never realized how much you guys go through.

Nair is one of the worst products ever made, I think it's the crushed glass that's used to make it.

Ehav Ever said...

Glad to have gotten a laugh out of you BHC. One thing you have to understand is that about 95% of what we men do is to impress women. I went bald partially because of it being cheaper, but also because women seemed to love it.

I agree with you about Nair. I didn't know it had crushed glass in it. Wow that should somehow be illegal.

Miriam said...

As a french men once said when he saw me in the midst of getting my hair braided..."we must suffer to be beautiful! (handsome in your case).

LOL that was too funny. Especially the "ENDs" justify the means. lolol

Wait a sec, is there really crushed glasses in Nair? I used to use that product.