Monday, September 10, 2007

The Sleeper Has Awakened: The Finale

So thus comes the finale of this group of writings as I prepare myself for Rosh Hashannah and Yom Kippur. In some cases in life we walk around like we are sleep. Yet, there comes a times when we must wake up and take an active part in the world. At some point we have to conquer our fears, our faults, and our emotions in order to become a more complete person. Even now there are areas of my life that I am working on changing and there are areas of my life that I want to strengthen.

As with any process I have to know my limits and at the same time I have to make sure not to limit myself. Some of the things that limited me was not being in the right place at the right time. I spent countless years trying to find my way home, internally and externally. Each journey helped me grow, but all those places were temporary. What I sought was something more permenant. There are those who feared that my decision to move to Israel would have an element of wanted to die i.e. being in a place of danger being like suicide. Yet to partially quote Cowboy Beebop, I didn't move here to die, I moved here to see if I am really alive.

The Wiz - You Can't Win

This includes not letting others tell me I can't do or become something that is completely within my power. When I was younger I heard this a lot. Whether people told me I wasn't smart enough, wasn't good looking enough, wasn't quick enough, or didn't have the know how. The worst part of it is that sometimes I believed them. Yet, 95% of what I have done with my life, and who I am I was once told was impossible for me to do or become. A big part of this also includes not setting myself up for failure, by concentrating on the price of failure instead of the benefits of success.

There were people who told me that coming to Israel was going to change me because they thought I was a push over. What they didn't know is that I have faced these kind of challenges all of my life. The failure is not in trying and not succeeding. The real failure is in not trying and in not believing that God can lead you, but also that you can act for yourself.

From this point forth, I am going to commit myself to the following things. Much of which I have already begun to work on.
  1. Getting my Hebrew more fluent.
  2. Getting back in shape.
  3. Continue to master the Abir martial arts.
  4. Learning more from the book of Mishle (Proverbs)
  5. Continue to collect books for my library.
  6. Mastering my emotions.
  7. Not fearing mistakes.
  8. Being more direct when something needs to be done.
Change can be scary, and fear has held back many good people from accomplishing great things. Some choose to remain sleep in order to not have to wake and face reality. In the end we can choose to sleep or to be awake. I believe God has placed much of our own destinies in our collective hands. I have slept long enough by letting destiny pass me by. Now that I am home in Israel it is time to truly wake up.


jbwritergirl said...

Hey there.

I totally identify with number 7. Had it not been for my mistakes or my parents, I might not be here, LOL.

Thanks for coming by. Stay well and go make the coffee. Remember it's not whose up first in the moring it's who puts the coffee on first. In the bible it directly states that He-Brews.

rivkayael said...

mishlei is good. your life looks like a parallel of shlomo hamelech (well, not the end part)--the cranky skepticism earlier in life (kohelet) followed by wisdom, and then much later, shir hashirim. to have that kind of love and passion earlier on in life is maybe a result of lack of maturity, but to have it that late in life is a mark of the beauty of God.

Shana tova. You have merited to be here for the shalosh regalim...may we all follow in your footsteps.

Miriam said...

shana tova!

Miriam said...

goodness, each of the items listed could be a post unto itself!

Tr8erGirl said...

Great list - esp #7!
Anyway - shana tova!

Lori said...

Nice piece of introspection. When it comes to your self-analysis, I admire your ability to be so honest and to go so deep.

rivkayael said...

Gmar tov, Ehav, and may you dance before the throne as David hamelech danced before the aron kodesh.